What
Your Supervisor Wants download
pdf
By Stephen Haslam and Robert Pennington, Ph.D.
Resource International <www.resource-i.com>
Respect
What do most supervisors
want out of their relationships with the people they supervise? Some want to be
liked, while some simply want people to like their work and do a good job. Some
want honesty and openness, while others simply want people to do an honest
day’s work. Different supervisors
have different priorities and styles.
Yet, all supervisors do want respect.
Does this mean supervisors
expect employees just to agree and do what they are told? It is not necessarily respectful for an
employee to say yes and follow instructions that he knows will not work. Unfortunately, some people mistake
agreement with respect because they do not know how to clearly, firmly,
directly, and respectfully disagree with an authority figure.
Most employees come to the
work place with inadequate skills for resolving disagreements with authority
figures. They grew up with parents
who were not open to disagreement.
Think about it – in the middle of an argument, how often did your
parents say, “I’m sorry, what would you like me to understand about your point
of view?” Few did. Consequently, most employees do not
expect supervisors to be open to disagreement either.
Tell Me When You Disagree
Many people think that supervisors want them to be “yes men” by doing
what they are told to do and by saying what the boss wants to hear. The old saying, “If you don’t have
something nice to say don’t say anything at all,” is taken too far. “It’s disrespectful to disagree with
your elders” is amended to include, “with your authority figures.” Consequently, people withhold. The boss
must then make decisions with inadequate information. The result is an
atmosphere of distrust in which it is difficult for anyone to feel respected.
One problem is that many
supervisors do not know how to invite people to disagree in such a way that
makes the employee feel safe and respected in return. Everyone wants respect, and yet everyone is waiting for the
other person to give it first.
So, what do supervisors
want? They want to know when you
disagree with them! Or at least
they should want to know this.
Some supervisors do not realize it can be dangerous for an employee to
disagree without the supervisor knowing it. If the supervisor knew about the disagreement and listened
carefully to the employee’s concerns, maybe she would change her decision. Or maybe she could clarify a
misunderstanding. But the supervisor
is often the last person to find out when a disagreement exists.
If you are an employee who
can express your disagreements respectfully, knowing how to stand your ground
while remaining open minded, your value will multiply in the eyes of your supervisor.
How To Disagree Respectfully
Here are a few key steps to
get you started:
• Rule out any
misunderstandings. Check to make sure that you are clear
about the supervisor’s instructions or viewpoint. Interview the supervisor with The Five Levels of Clear Communication (Facts, Opinions, Emotions, Importance/Priority,
Expectation/Action). You can download a handout about the Five Levels at the
following link:
<http://www.resource-i.com/PDFs/5Levels+HIC.pdf>.
• Confirm your understanding. Don’t
just think you understand. Make
sure the supervisor confirms your understanding is accurate. S/he will be more open to considering
your point of view when you take the time to consider hers/his. This is the
essence of respect.
• Build on common
ground. Before emphasizing in what way you disagree, build common
ground by acknowledging anything the supervisor said that is a good point.
Again, check The Five Levels for
clues (facts, priorities, actions, etc.)
• Build a link to your
point. Connect the supervisor’s points to your point. If you can’t do it, how could you
expect the other person to do it?
Use The Five Levels of Communication to outline how you disagree. Connect the points of
agreement to your new points [i.e., This task is a high priority
(importance). And we agree that
this other task is also important.
I need help to get both done on time, or to determine which to set aside
(expectation).]
• Fundamental
requirement or preference? On a scale of 1-10, consider whether
your recommendation is a slight preference (1) or an absolutely fundamental
requirement (10), meaning it is not debatable. Be clear with the supervisor about this, and don’t go to war
over your preferences!
• Be open-minded. Always
be curious about what information you might not know. Don’t get stuck in the right/wrong blame game. In a respectful interaction with your
supervisor, the two of you might find a new solution that neither of you had
considered.
It’s Easier Said Than Done
This balancing act is certainly
easier said than done. RI’s
web-based training, High Impact Communication: Reducing the Resistance in
Another to Your Ideas, could assist
you in learning how to communicate better in challenging situations. You can
take this training online by going to the following URL:
http://www.resource-i.com/webbasedtrainings1.html
Stephen Haslam and 
Robert Pennington, Ph.D., are co-founders of
Resource
International, a management
training and consulting service based in Houston that specializes in
increasing productivity by reducing resistance to change and conflict. They
have worked together for twenty-five years offering their flagship programs Successfully
Managing the Stress of Change and Successful
Work Relationships to Fortune 100.
You can learn more about their work by going to: http://www.resource-i.com.
©2004 Resource International